“I feel like I’m watching a really bad 60’s sci-fi movie that has been made this year. Fuck. Me."

Back of The Box:

A man suffering from amnesia wakes up in a desolate barn from a cryogenic freezer to be informed that the planet has been devastated by a world war and reduced to little habitability by a subsequent alien invasion. He is thrown into a military mission to help reestablish a livable atmosphere for what’s left of humanity. Soon enough he encounters more than he bargained for: aliens, crazy survivors, inadequate equipment and a pretty unhealthy dose of bad luck. Jam-packed with visual inventions and plot twists this movie offers a dark and humorous take on the post-apocalyptic genre.


This has to be the worst movie I have seen in an extremely long time. Hell, it may even be the worst movie I have ever encountered in my life. Yes, I am being 100% serious. Right now, I would be very hard-pressed to think of a movie that is worse. If I run a horror website and say a movie is bad, you may want to keep your distance – trust me.

The whole movie looks like they used some sort of effects preset on it. It looks like someone had Adobe After Effects, said the hell with any sort of technical editing and just ran the whole movie through some sort of preset and then called it a day. Seriously, the whole movie is in a greenish-blue tint and of course, it is has that typical grain effect.

The voice of the main character actually got on my nerves and that is a major bad point seeing as how he pretty much talks to himself through-out the entirety of the film. The main character sounds like Keanu Reeves and Williams Shatner has some sort of bastard child and that is the main character of the movie.

Speaking of the main character’s voice and sound in general, I was extremely disappointed with the audio levels in this movie. There is a female computer voice in the movie that you have to turn the volume up in order to hear. However, when the music kicks in, you are going to immediately reach for the remote and turn the movie down. As a matter of fact, I had to keep the remote on-hand during the whole movie. One second, I’m turning the movie down and the next second I am having to turn it up.

Do you remember in the movie Clerks 2 when Randle is talking about The Lord of The Rings and he complained about how much walking takes place in the movie? That is exactly how I feel about Hellacious Acres. The main character walks all over the place and it takes forever. Do you want to watch someone walking across acres and acres of fields?

Actually there is a teleportation device in the movie, so the main character can get from place-to-place much quicker. Of course, you are excited to hear this news, so you do not have to watch the main character walk through the whole movie, but there is a penalty for using the teleportation device. Whenever he uses the device, he is stricken with so much pain that he has to rest it off.

This movie drags on and on and on and on and on. Every single thing in this movies take so long that it becomes painful to watch. You are either watching a guy walking, watching him writhe in pain or watching him sleep. This movie makes every single second painful.

Speaking of the time it takes for the character to accomplish simple tasks; the runtime of the movie clocks in at 1 hour, 48 minutes and 45 seconds. If they cut the runtime of this movie down to 5 minutes and turned it into a short screamer it would still be boring, slow and dull. So, you could only imagine what it feels like to watch this for such a lengthy runtime.

The Verdict:

This was a hellacious watch of a movie. It is extremely boring, annoying, plotless and pointless. You could not pay me to sit through this movie again. The movie is now residing within my collection and it will never see the light of day again.
When I received the package for this movie, there was a little gift inside of it. At first, I thought “This was pretty cool of them”. Unfortunately, this did not help their cause, because the movie itself ruined this gift for me.

Inside of the envelope, accompanying Hellacious Acres: The Case of John Glass DVD, was a can. Attached to this review you will see a picture of the can they included in the package. Sadly, I grew to hate this can, because in the movie he finds a can of food and does not have a can opener. So, we have to watch him use a hacksaw on the can until he finally gets it open. After that, we are forced to watch him open more cans of food.

I hate to rate a movie so low, but there is nothing good I could find about this movie. It is seriously that bad and I hope I never come across another movie like it.


1 out of a possible 10.